The Garden of Hesperides

Just For Laughs
A Mixture of Humor, Fun, Play and More

 

Jokes

  • "I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."
    Groucho Marx

  • Overheard from a couple looking up into the night sky and gazing at the stars – "Is there intelligent life out there in the cosmos – or are they just like us?"

  • Father: "Did I hear the clock strike three when you came home last night?"
    Son: "Yes, Dad. It was going to strike eleven, but I stopped it so it wouldn't wake you up."

  • The following notice appeared in a small-town paper:
    "On next wednesday evening the Ladies' Aid Society will hold a rummage sale. Good chance to get rid of anything not worth keeping but too good to throw away. Ladies, bring your husbands."

  • Bride-to-be: "Mother, this wedding must be absolutely perfect. We mustn't overlook the most insignificant detail."
    Mother: "Don't worry – he'll show up!"

  • A customer told a hardware-store clerk that she wanted a three-quarter inch pipe plug.
    The man asked, "Do you want a male plug, a female plug or both?"
    "I just want to stop a leak," the woman replied. "I don't plan to raise them!"

  • "Could I have a day off, sir, to help my wife with the spring cleaning?"
    "No, I'm afraid not –"
    "Thank you sir. I knew I could count on you."

  • Q: Why are lawyers buried in deeper graves than other folks?
    A: Deep down, they're much nicer people.

  • "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years."
    Mark Twain

  • The Welshman prays on his knees
      and also on his neighbor.
    The Scot keeps his own counsel
      and anything else he can get his hands on.
    The Irishman doesn't know what he wants
      but he'll die fighting for it.
    The Englishman is a self-made man
      and worships his creator.

  • There is one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him!
    If he says yes, you know he's crooked.
    Groucho Marx


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