Lightbulb Jokes

Q: How many social workers does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: It doesn't matter because it would just burn out.
A2: None, because we would empower it to change itself.
A3: Five. One to screw it in, three to form the support group, and one to assist with placement.
A4: It takes all the MSWs that exist in the area; so they can "share" with each other.
A5: Three - One to do the work, one to share the experience, and one to supervise and make sure that professional work is done.

Q: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?
A1: One...but the light bulb has to REALLY WANT TO CHANGE.
A2: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

Q: How many "Real Men" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. "Real Men" aren't afraid of the dark.

Q: How many "Real Women" does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. A "Real Woman" would have plenty of real men around to do it.

Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience.

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 50. 50? Yeah, 50! It's in the contract.

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three: One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many economists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two: One to change the bulb, and the other to assume the ladder.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: I'll have an estimate for you a week from Monday.

Q: How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three: One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number to dial one of their sub-ordinates to actually change it.

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. That's a hardware problem.

Q: How many federal employees does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sorry, that item was cut from the budget!

Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. It turned itself in.

Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it a suprising twist at the end.

Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was.

Q: How many banjo players does it take change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to screw it in and four to complain that it's electric.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There never was any light bulb.