Session 11: Releasing the energy of shame

This session illustrates a way of working energetically with an emotional complex—in this instance, shame. I have found it helpful to have clients think of shame as an energy that they can target for release. This helps them to disidentify from the shame and to find a place within themselves that is larger than the shame—a place that can observe the shame and work to heal it. It is particularly difficult for people to disidentify from shame, because it is so deeply entangled with the sense of self. In contrast to guilt, which is more related to specific behaviors, shame attacks one's personhood, one's basic self-worth and right to exist.

The client in this session was Bob, the young man described in session 7. He came to the session feeling agitated because he had learned that his brother had been gossiping about him behind his back. He felt deeply shamed by this, echoing experiences in his shame-based childhood. I suggested that we work with colored light therapy, employing a particular frequency of red-orange used in ETT to stimulate issues of shame. Bob set the intention of healing his shame. He was looking into the orange light as we talked.

      "I feel shame. A little voice on my shoulder says this is stupid, that I'm stupid. It feels like this color is attacking me and I'm deficient. It's the way I felt as a kid when I was yelled at. This light is putting a coating of shame all over my body." A shift in affect took place and Bob said, "I feel like I can take control. I choose not to be colored by this liquid shame. This shame is not mine." He spoke to his mother and said , "You are trying to give it to me and I don't accept it. I'm in charge. I feel more empowered now. But not rock solid. I could still crumble. I feel there is no way I could withstand shame for a long time if someone persists." He recalled a childhood memory of being shamed by his aunt and his shame intensified.
      At this point a compensatory part of his shame complex came in to be cleared—a prideful defense against feeling shame. He felt this as tension in his lower back. "I spent so many years with my back held rigidly erect, pretending to feel pride. This was just defiance to cover my shame. There is no strength in this. Strength comes from taking responsibility and throwing off the shame. It's OK to make mistakes. I can own them and not feel shame. You don't have to be perfect. I can love myself with my mistakes rather than punishing myself. Rigid strength is not real strength. I need to comfort my child and find true strength inside. I don't have to put my head down or rigidly hold it up. Just be authentic and accept myself as I am. I can stop pretending that I'm perfect." As the session drew to a close, Bob said the tension in his back had released. He felt very strong and centered, no longer reactive to his brother's behavior.

This session demonstrates the value of colored light therapy to activate and resolve issues relating to shame. As in many of the other sessions, there was a turnaround point where Bob shifted from an intensified experience of shame to an opposite cognition. "I feel like I can take control," etc. It is particularly interesting that a polarity emerged in the session. In Psychosynthesis terms, two shame-based subpersonalities were there. One was the head-hanging kind of shame, the other a prideful defense against it. Both were activated and resolved in his insight: "I don't need to put my head down or rigidly hold it up. Just be authentic and accept myself as I am."